Our son lived at home all four of his undergraduate years. He moved out only when he went to grad school and got an apartment. The first time my husband and I went to see his new place, Matt greeted us, saying, "I'm glad to finally be the host."As we walked in the door, my husband whispered to me, "Instead of the parasite." --Dianne Gardner

Our day-care center spent time helping the kids memorize their home addresses. My daughter, who was in my class, had her street name down, but couldn't remember the house number."If our house is on fire and you call 911," I asked, "how will the firefighters know where to go?"She had a plan: "I'll tell them to go to South 14th Street and look for the house that's on fire." --Dianna Phyfer

With several years of Army National Guard duty under his belt, my roommate applied for officer training. But his lifelong dreams were dashed after he failed the eye exam. "That's too bad," I sympathized. "Does that mean you now have to quit the Guard entirely?" "No, I get to keep my old job," he said. "Driving trucks." --Diane Hastings

Just ahead was one of those hybrid cars struggling up the steep hill. As I pulled out to pass it, I noticed a sign in the window: "I know, I know, but I'm getting 60 mpg." --Dennis Mundhenk

You didn't have to be a brain surgeon to figure out that a customer at our post office was an off-duty mail clerk from another plant. He'd written on his package, "Fragile: Toss Underhand." --Denise Martin

My colleagues and i recently received this e-mail from the facilities department: "Due to construction, your office may be either cooler or warmer than usual on Tuesday. Dress accordingly." --Debra Donath

During flight school, our instructor noticed that a young pilot wasn't wearing her earplugs correctly. "If you don't fix your earplugs, you'll turn into a deaf old man like me," he warned over the roar of helicopter engines.She shot back, "If I turn into a deaf old man, I've got bigger problems than hearing loss." --Deborah Gatrell