I didn’t enlist in the Army — I was drafted. So I wasn’t going to make life easy for anyone. During my physical, the doctor asked softly, "Can you read the letters on the wall?"

 

"What letters?" I answered slyly.

 

"Good," said the doctor. "You passed the hearing test."

 

 

A hot-air balloonist had drifted off course. He saw a man on the ground and yelled, “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”
“Yes,” the guy said. “You’re in a balloon.”
“You must work in I.T.,” the balloonist said.
“How did you know?”
“What you told me is technically correct but of no use to anyone.”
“And you must work in management,” the man on the ground retorted.
“Yup.”
“Figures. You don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to help. And you’re in the same position you were in before we met, but now it’s my fault.”

 

Our office manager is a tyrant when it comes to keeping the printer area clean. Recently, a coworker printed something, but when he went to pick up the document, it was gone.

“You know I throw out everything that’s more than 24 hours old,” the manager told him.

“But I just printed it,” my friend insisted.

“Sorry,” she said. “But I’m not in tomorrow.”

 

Concerned when one of his most reliable workers doesn’t show up, the boss calls the employee’s home. The phone is answered by a giggling child.
“Is your dad home?” the boss asks. “Yes.” “May I speak to him?” “No.”
“Well, can I speak to your mom?” “No. She’s with the policeman.” 

Alarmed, the boss says, “Gosh. Well then, may I speak with the policeman?”

“No. He’s busy talking to the man in the helicopter that’s bringing in the search team.”

“My Lord!” says the boss, now really worried. “What are they searching for?” 

“Me,” the kid chortles.

 

Rob and Tom apply for the same job. They take a written test. “You both got the same number of questions wrong,” the HR person tells them, “but Rob gets the job.”

 

“If we both got the same number of questions wrong, how come he gets the job?” Tom asks indignantly.

 

“Well,” says the HR person, “one of his incorrect answers was better than yours.”

 

“Whoa, how can that be?”

 

“For problem No. 46, Rob wrote, ‘I don’t know.’ You wrote, ‘Me neither.’”

 

Our friend worked in an office where an e-mail flame war erupted. Coworkers were blasting outraged notes back and forth.

Finally, their boss stepped in. The e-mails stopped, and everyone got back to work. Then the boss sent one more e-mail.

 

“Thank goodness that’s solved. Does anyone have any questions?”

 

The flame war was rekindled when a woman, forgetting an important comma, responded, “No thanks to you.”

 

My friend had been pounding the pavement in search of a job with no luck. Frustrated, she asked her dad to look at her résumé. He didn't get much further than the first line of her cover letter before spotting the problem.

"Is it too generic?" she asked.

"I doubt it," said her father.

"Especially since it's addressed 'Dear Sir or Madman.'"