In lectures on human genetics, I explained to my college students that males determine the sex of the offspring by contributing either an X or a Y chromosome. So at the end of the year, I put it on the final exam: "How is the sex of the child determined?" One student wrote, "By examining it at birth." --Patricia Gindhart

Few people know what a quartermaster does. So during my aircraft carrier's Family Day, I demonstrated a procedure called semaphore—I grabbed my flags and signaled an imaginary boat.When finished, I pointed to a little girl in front and asked, "Now do you know what I do?""Yes," she said. "You're a cheerleader." --Danny Sullivan

A Catholic priest I once knew went to the hospital to visit patients. Stopping at the nurses station, he carefully looked over the patient roster and jotted down the room number of everyone who had "Cath" written boldly next to his name. That, he told me, was a big mistake. When I asked why, he replied, "It was only after I had made the rounds that I learned they were all patients with catheters."    --Dennis Smyth

My son, a high school senior, went to take a national literacy test recently. A sign on the classroom door read "Literacy Testing in Progress: Do Not Distrub!" --Cathy Dillard

During his children's sermon, our assistant pastor asked the kids, "What is gray, has a bushy tail, and gathers nuts in the fall?" One five-year-old raised his hand. "I know the answer should be Jesus," he began, "but it sounds like a squirrel to me."    --Rev. Richard E. O;squote;Hara

In honor of British humorist P. G. Wodehouse's 128th birthday, a few choice quips from his books: "He looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say 'when.' " "Golf, like measles, should be caught young." "She had a penetrating sort of laugh. Rather like a train going into a tunnel." "You look white and shaken, like a dry martini."