Dumbocracy

The 8th Annual Humour Issue
Time flies when you're having laughs and for our 8th Annual Humour Issue, we've got plenty of those to share. In this month's issue, we've Dumbocracy - a compendium of some not too smart people. Then we move on to a time in many people's lives when they often don't find anything funny - parenthood. Unbelievable columnist and father-of-three Nury Vittachi shares how living with children is a constant battle of wits, one which adults tend to lose, and Marla Sharpe writes a story on how talking to teenagers can be more trying than arguing a case with lawyers. We've also got four pages of jokes, funny quotes and humorous true life parenting tales sent in by our readers.

To start off, here are some of the world's dumbest people and things.

DUMB ON THE JOB

Presenting . . . The Great Narcissus! Joanna Kirchmeier arrived at her London home only to find her husband, Helmut, in front of a mirror “just staring at himself, his pupils tiny”.Helmut, a newly trained hypnotist, had accidentally hypnotised himself while rehearsing a new act and had been standing like that for five hours.
Source: London Telegraph

DUMB CRIMINALS

Dude, Where’s My Getaway Car? South A Carolina man robbed a clerk at a a convenience store, then jumped into his getaway vehicle and took off. Police had little trouble catching up with him a short distance away. He was driving a lawn mower.
Source: aikenstandard.com

DUMB DIETS

Fletcherising Horace “The Great Masticator” Fletcher preached chewing each mouthful exactly 32 times until the food was “purified” and then spitting out what remained. This way, you get the nutrients with fewer calories.
Sources: listverse.com, dietsinreview.com, everydayhealth.com

DUMB IN GOVERNMENT

Vice Minister Russia’s finance minister, Alexei Kudrin, knows a way to generate taxes and goose his country’s sluggish economy: Everyone should drink and smoke more. “If you smoke a pack of cigarettes, that means you are giving more to help solve social problems,” he said.
Source: CBS News

DUMB HUSBANDS & SUITORS

No Way to Gitmo Action A Saudi woman filed for divorce from her husband of 17 years after peeking through the contacts in his mobile phone. Next to her phone number, she found the nickname Guantanamo.
Source: London Telegraph

DUMB LAWSUITS

And to Prove the Point . . . An Australian man was ordered to pony up $500 in court costs after he lost his lawsuit against his ex-wife. He’d taken her to court hoping the judge would order her to remove this bumper sticker from her car: “Men are idiots. I divorced the king!”
Source: news.com.au

DUMB VICTIMS

Cruisin’ and Losin’ An iPod was stolen from a convertible outside a Walmart. The owner, said police, locked the doors, rolled up the windows, and turned on the alarm . . . but left the top down.
Source: Shelbyville (Tennessee) Times-Gazette; submitted by Barbara Landis

DUMB IN SPORTS

Something’s Fishy Here Robby Rose lost his first-place medal and was charged with a felony after it was discovered that he’d cheated in a Texas fishing tournament by stuffing a one-pound weight down the throat of a bass he’d caught. Officials became suspicious when they placed Rose’s fish in a tank and it sank to the bottom.
Source: Dallas Morning News

DUMB CELEBRITIES

“I know for a fact it’s not in my destiny to die listening to a Britney Spears album, so I always put that on when I’m flying.”
Actress Megan Fox

DUMB IDEAS, SMART RESULTS

Dots Amazing Alex Tew, of Wiltshire, England, wanted a million dollars quickly and without working too hard. So he created the Million Dollar Homepage and charged advertisers $1 a pixel. What was on the site other than tiny ads the size of a ten-by-ten pixel block or more? Absolutely nothing. But that didn’t stop him from raking in a million dollars within five months.

Read more in the Reader's Digest Asia September 2011 Issue

Also read: True funny stories about having a parent and being a parent sent in by our readers

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