1. Pay a compliment
Why is it so easy to forget someone’s name within seconds of meeting them? Because, you weren’t really listening—you were too busy thinking about what to say next.
One easy way to skirt that natural selfishness and propel any conversation forward is to open with flattery.
When you meet someone for the first time, ‘Pay that person a compliment when repeating their name, thus helping to anchor and embed it even deeper into your memory,’ says professional mentalist Oz Pearlman, who sometimes has to remember the names of hundreds of people he just met for his act.
If you compliment Alyssa on her necklace, you instantly prime your brain to recall her name the next time you see that necklace, Pearlman says.
‘As a bonus, everyone enjoys flattery, so that compliment can go a long way toward you being remembered as well.’
2. Ask lots of questions – good questions
Research shows that in conversations with unfamiliar people, we tend to rate the experience based on our own performance, not theirs. What’s more: the experience of talking about ourselves can be more pleasurable than food or money. So, how do you give your conversation partner the pleasure of a good conversation? Ask them questions—a lot of questions, and ones that call for more than vague one-word answers (a good rule is, if your question can be answered with “fine,” don’t ask it). Avoid work if you can; instead, ask about play—”What keeps you busy outside of work?” is a good place to start. According to Debra Fine, author of The Fine Art of Small Talk, one question pretty much guaranteed to put someone in a positive mindset and open doors to their personality: “What has the highlight of your year been so far?” This allows the person to show you her best self and, if her highlight includes a topic you’re interested in too, may lay the groundwork for a true friendship.
3. Try to make their day better
If your conversation partner still isn’t biting, make things even easier for them by asking games researcher Jane McGonigal’s favourite question: “On a scale of one to ten, how was your day?” Anyone can think of a number between one and ten, McGonigal says, and they’re likely to elaborate on their answer as they go. But it gets even better. After they respond, ask them this: “Is there anything I can do to move you from a six to a seven (or a three to a four, etc.)?” You’d be surprised how happy this little gesture will make someone.