25 dating deal breakers all women have – and men should definitely be aware of

This is a deal-breaker for some women, but not for others. For single pilot Sonier, for whom being an “aviatrix” is a point of pride, if a man looks askance at her for her love of flying, there’s no point in continuing. “Why would you want to be a pilot? What about kids, husband, family?” Sonier recalls being asked on more than one occasion. “My attitude is that it shouldn’t have to be a question of either/or. This isn’t the 1950s. But if that’s his attitude, we’re not dating.” Dr. LoTempio also notices that some men seem uncomfortable with her career as a surgeon. When she realises that’s happening, she knows there’s no point in continuing because it’s not going to get better.

As forward-thinking as our single women and our experts are, they all agree, nevertheless, that the man should pick up the check on the first date. “It’s simply the universal sign that this has been a date,” explains Dr. Madden.

Even if the woman makes more money? “Even if she makes more,” according to Dr. Madden. “Yes, there’s probably going to be a moment where she’ll reach for the check out of politeness, but if a man doesn’t grab that check away and pay it, himself, he’s acting like this isn’t a date. If it’s a date, a man should act like it.”

Film producer and singleton, Karen M.C. Kane sees it as a matter of respect. “Women want to feel valued by the man they’re involved with. If a man doesn’t want to pay for the first date, he’s sending a message that he values his wallet more than he values her.”

“Women want to date men who hold similar values to their own,” says relationship expert Monique Honaman. “Massive incompatibilities regarding fundamental values should be deal-breakers.” Those incompatibilities can include:

how you handle money
your religious beliefs
your political views
where you stand on having kids
how you feel about pets

“I write about eating disorders and recovery,” blogger Hall says, “so if you make fun of a mental health issue on our date, I’m going to assume that not only do you not mesh with my career choice, but you’re also not a nice person.”

“For me, I can tell a lot just by noticing how he treats my cat,” says the thirty-something singleton from Chicago. “How he treats my cat is at some point how he’s going to treat me. More to the point, says 28-year old single nutritionist, Arielle Simonis, “if he’s not an animal person – if he actually says he’s not an animal person – I get off that train as fast as I can.”

“Women want to date someone who is attracted to them and vice versa, but when a man won’t keep his mouth shut about how much he wants to bed her (ahem, on the first date), best keep looking,” says Simonis, who sees it as a bad sign about his intentions. And if he won’t stop groping you? Run, says Rappaport.

Once things get consensually intimate, there are other potential deal-breakers. For example, a lack of chemistry or a lack of compatibility when it comes to sexual proclivities. Even worse is when a man gets kinky without asking first, according to author Evie Vane. “If he tries spanking, bondage, or rough sex without asking, he’s likely to get the boot.”

“Be available,” suggests New York psychotherapist Thompson to all the men out there who don’t want to be written off by women who don’t want to date players. “You don’t have to sign up for marriage but if you aren’t even available to date, don’t waste anyone’s time. An easy way to tell that a man is a player is if he’s unwilling to let go of the dating apps, says Dr. Madden. Also, if his social media behaviour is “sketchy,” as described above.

“It’s important to date someone who’s looking for the same thing in a relationship. Women who want a relationship won’t want to date a player,” says psychologist and owner and director of New York City’s My Dating and Relationship School, Paulette Sherman, PsyD.

Emotional abuse can sneak up on you, but there are usually signs present right at the beginning. Here are some to consider as deal breakers:

• Road rage: Not only is being trapped in a car with an angry man downright terrifying, but it’s a good predictor of more anger to come, says Dr. Madden.
• He can’t compromise: If a man insists on eating only at his favourite restaurants, seeing his favourite movies, and hanging out with his friends to the exclusion of yours, it’s a bad sign, says relationships expert Honaman.
• He won’t accept blame: If he won’t take responsibility for his behaviour, especially if he’s looking to blame someone else (or you), beware, says therapist Sedacca. “Blamers make for toxic partners.”
• He’s too attentive: If it’s only been a few dates, and he’s already constantly texting, calling, and checking in on you, that spells danger, says therapist Andre. You might be dealing with a controlling or insecure partner.

Whether you’re just dating or already in a relationship, please heed these relationship warning signs.

Find out more about the road rage epidemic.

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Source: RD.com