Don’t: be hard on yourself that you fought
Don’t beat yourself up over an argument. All you’re doing is undercutting your self-respect, self-esteem and self-confidence, says Lloyd. “Of course two people aren’t always going to be on the same page,” says Syrtash. “The important piece is that you each got a little closer to discovering what’s important to each other.” Getting stuck in self-recrimination is unhealthy and unproductive. “Beating yourself up is rarely an effective use of your time,” says Doares. Fighting can be a good thing; it shows that you’re invested and working at the relationship. You care enough to get to the bottom of your issues. “In fact, not fighting at all is a sign, too,” says Feuerman. “Some arguments, if they’re able to be resolved, should actually bring you both closer together.”
Don’t: use hurtful words to describe your partner
After you’re done disagreeing, don’t resort to name-calling and hurtful words, says Goldstein. He suggests using simple, easy-to-understand sentences or even one word to help your partner understand how you feel. For example, you might say, “When you ignore me when I get home from work, I feel alone in our relationship.”
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