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You’re not a mindreader so stop acting like one

You’re not a mindreader so stop acting like one
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“I am a grandmother of three and if I could give my grandchildren one piece of advice for their marriages, it would be to never assume your partner knows what you are thinking. Always ask them how they feel, even if you think you know the answer, just to make sure. You may just be surprised. People often do things because they thought the other one wanted them to when the reality may be the opposite.” —Hyapatia Lee, author of Native Strength

Learn the communication fixes that could save your relationship.

Don’t hang your dirty laundry out for the neighbours to see

Don’t hang your dirty laundry out for the neighbours to see
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“Before I was a grandma we didn’t have social media so people didn’t share things about their relationship like many young people do now. But I think it’s still important not to air your dirty laundry. Don’t go running to your friends, the internet, or worst of all, your family, to vent about your latest argument. You may kiss and make up but they may not be privy to the apologies and it makes it harder for those that care to forgive. Naturally, if there is a fear of violence or the relationship is ending, this does not apply.” —Hyapatia Lee.

Don’t be an old (or young) fuddy duddy

Don’t be an old (or young) fuddy duddy
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“My grandma told me that her secret to a happy marriage was to be open to trying new things. Entering a relationship with another person necessitates becoming acclimated to their world so it is important to get out of your comfort zone and try new things. Even if you think you won’t be interested in it, that doesn’t mean that it won’t enrich your life and it will make your spouse happy. This advice has helped be open to inviting a new person into my life and creating a life together.” —Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, a licensed clinical professional counsellor and co-founder of The Marriage Restoration Project

If you can’t agree, just agree to listen

If you can’t agree, just agree to listen
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“In an argument it can be easy to become entrenched in your own views, but my grandma taught me to avoid this by always trying to see the other person’s point of view, even (especially!) if you disagree with them. You don’t always have to agree with everything your spouse says or does but you do have to acknowledge the validity of their point of view.” —Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin.

Here are 31 relationship habits you think are loving, but are actually dangerous. 

Be a cheap date

Be a cheap date
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“As a seasoned grandmother and wife I tell my grandkids to always take time to be a couple. We live in a busy busy world that finds us with little free time. Shared time can be a walk in the park, a cup of coffee at a cafe, or a free concert. It does not have to be an expensive dinner requiring a babysitter, although that’s nice sometimes too. The important thing is to keep dating.” —Patricia Bubash, M.Ed, licensed professional counsellor and author of Successful Second Marriages

Mind your manners

Mind your manners
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“What would a grandmother’s advice be without a reminder to have good manners? It’s so important to be polite to your spouse of all people. It seems that as soon as they say ‘I do’ many couples drop the ‘please’ and ‘thank you,’ but being polite and kind are one of the best ways we show love and respect for each other.” —Patricia Bubash

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If you fight dirty you both just end up with mud stains

If you fight dirty you both just end up with mud stains
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“My grandma, a Holocaust survivor and one of the wisest women I’ve ever known, told me that it’s important not to lose control during an argument. When someone is really angry they may yell and say things they don’t mean but that just adds fuel to the fire. Instead, count to ten or take a walk to calm down and then talk. Don’t say things you will regret or try to reason with someone at a moment when they are crazy and cannot listen or talk calmly.” —Paulette Sherman, PhD.

Here are 12 more things to never do after a fight with your partner.

A balanced budget is the best love letter

A balanced budget is the best love letter
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“Fighting and worrying about money are stressful on a marriage, so my grandma taught me the importance of making a financial plan as a couple. ‘Spend a dollar and then save a dollar’ was her motto. This way when hard times come you will be safe. She also taught me to spend wisely by buying things that I love and need and to make sure I was getting the best so that it will last.” —Paulette Sherman.

 

Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing at all

Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing at all
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“My gran was an artist who lived to be 97 and so she had a special way of understanding and dealing with people in general but my granddad in particular. She would tell me that if he was touchy or cranky with me not to get upset but to go in the back garden and pick blackberries for a while. As a child I didn’t understand why I shouldn’t just tell him but as an adult I learned that my granddad was in a bomb disposal unit in London during World War II and had good reason to be touchy. Nan’s gentle direction taught me sometimes people just need space and quiet and that’s okay—a lesson that serves me just as well in my own relationships.” —Olivia Djouadi, UKCP registered psychotherapist.

To keep the passion in your marriage, be passionate about your marriage

To keep the passion in your marriage, be passionate about your marriage
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“My grandmother taught me that relationships start with passion, desire, respect and admiration, and once you decide to spend your life with that person, it’s up to you not to let those feelings dwindle but nurture them so they grow. You can, and should, be more in love with that person now than you were the day you got married.” —Cashell Campbell, professional dancer.

For more wise marriage advice, don’t miss these 40 romantic ideas to say ‘I love you’.

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Source: RD.com

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