16 secrets of naturally charming people

Charmers immerse and focus themselves in what the other person is saying. They aren’t busy thinking of a rebuttal or a response. They don’t interrupt people while they’re speaking, try to dominate the conversation, or tell stories to brag about themselves. They don’t use a conversation as an opportunity to give a lecture or unsolicited advice. Instead, they make people feel like they’ve been heard and focus on what they’re saying. “Everyone loves to talk about themselves,” says dating coach, Mike Goldstein. “Ask the people you meet to do so.”

Don’t miss these magic phrases to make anyone trust you.

They take their time to think about each sentence, avoiding any unnecessary fillers that will make them unclear. This way, everything they say has a purpose and objective. These good communicators speak confidently, precisely and deliberately. “If you ramble on or go off track, you’re more likely to lose someone,” says relationship expert, Cherie Burbach. “But sharing a few genuine, clearly spoken words will leave an impact.” And being direct, concise and succinct makes them come across as more friendly.

When people ask for your advice, it shows that they value your opinion and sincerely want to know and trust what you think. (And people typically love to talk, especially if it relates to themselves.) They hold your knowledge in high regard. Asking someone to share their area of expertise helps boost their confidence and will help them think of you more favourably, Goldstein says.

Here are some golden rules to being a good boss.

People who are genuine seem more trustworthy. No one likes a fake or a phony. “With phonies, you feel played instead of being treated like a unique, special human being,” says Burbach. You don’t want to have to waste time trying to figure out someone’s hidden agenda. If you’re likable, you’re comfortable in your own skin and know what makes you happy. And that makes you more interesting and appealing to people. “When we come across someone who is authentic with their words and intentions, it stands out,” says Burbach. “People can tell when you’re not being real, and it’s annoying.”

You might feel stupid. But playing these games will build trust.

Likely nothing is more of a turn-off than when someone sends a quick text or even glances at their phone while you’re chatting. “In order to really make a positive impact on someone, you have to not only put your phone away, you have to pretend you don’t have it,” says Burbach. You feel like they care more about their device than their conversation with you. “The signal you send when you constantly check your phone when you’re spending time with someone is that the person on the other end (on the screen) is more important,” says relationship expert Andrea Syrtash. “People quickly pick up on it when the person they’re spending time with isn’t present or engaged. It’s not a good feeling for the person on the receiving end!” When someone is charismatic, he makes you feel like you’re the most important person in the world and uses the chat as an opportunity to learn about you, not to bury his head in his phone.

Who doesn’t like to hear the sound of their name? A charismatic person remembers people’s names and greets them with it. It shows that you made enough of an impression that someone made the effort and time to remember your name. “Your name is one of the most important words in your life, and it has a highly powerful and positive emotional charge,” says health and relationships writer Stacey Laura Laura Loyd. “When you hear your name in the course of a conversation, it grabs your attention, indicates that whatever is about to follow is important and boosts your self-esteem while simultaneously generating and fortifying trust between you and the speaker.” They’ll add in some small and personal details – sometimes to a surprising degree – and information that they recall, too. It helps make us feel better and prouder about ourselves, and in turn, increases their likability.

Check out these etiquette rules that we should never have abandoned.

They may remember names but they don’t squeeze in the name of celebrity they just met into every conversation. Sure, they may know people who are high profile, but they don’t talk about it. And that makes them even more likable. “They don’t need to use anyone else’s names to substantiate their worth because they bring enough value that they don’t need anyone else to amplify them,” says Laurel House, a dating and empowerment coach. “They’re comfortable and confident enough to stand alone in their skin without being surrounded by the presence of the names of anyone else.”

Who doesn’t want to be recognised and appreciated for something they did that they’re proud about? Notice these good doings and you’ll be sure to be remembered favourably and positively. “It’s a basic human need for each of us to be seen, heard and valued,” says Syrtash. “People who engage others instinctively know this.” A charming person doesn’t have to be the only one shining, says House. “Because when they let you shine, you shine some of your light on them.” Just be sure to do so in a way that doesn’t come across as insincere, superficial or phony. Otherwise, you won’t be trusted and it could hurt and damage your relationship.

Don’t miss these signs you have imposter syndrome – and how to deal with it.

Nonverbal cues are just as important as verbal ones to people who are charismatic. “They understand that nonverbal cues often convey far more meaning than merely the spoken word, and they’re highly aware of the pitch, tone, volume and body language of others,” says Lloyd. When you’re in an intense conversation, they often copy the other’s nonverbal cues like smiling or making good eye contact. “Charming people apply their knowledge of nonverbal communication to help clarify and emphasise what they’re saying in order to further engage others in the dialogue,” says Lloyd. By mimicking and paying attention to the speaker’s body language, the other person feels more comfortable and better about herself.

Check out these ways to use body language to build trust.

Even the most successful people have likely had to overcome some adversity to get to where they are today. These people remember those who had faith in them and encouraged them to rise above any challenge in their way. They offer praise in a way that’s genuine without being excessive, says Lloyd. When someone shows that they have faith in another person, it makes them feel good about themselves and gives them the confidence to do better.