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You fill your home with enticing power cords but yell at me when I chew them. Unfair!

You fill your home with enticing power cords but yell at me when I chew them. Unfair!
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Most of us cats love the way a plastic cord feels under our teeth, so it’s best for you humans to be smart about your electric cords. Stow away the ones you’re not using, and cover the remainder in cord covers (you can find these at pet stores). You can also try applying bitter apple liquid (we detest this flavour) on cords but dab it on sparingly since consuming too much of the essential oils in it can make us sick. If your cat persists in chewing cords even after you apply the bitter apple, take him or her to the vet to rule out any dental problems.

 

We truly wish you’d find yourself another animal to demonise

We truly wish you’d find yourself another animal to demonise
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If a black cat crosses your path, you’ll have bad luck. Don’t leave a cat around a sleeping baby; it will suck out the baby’s breath. Cats are the preferred companion of witches and villains. It’s taken centuries for us cats to rise above all this negative (and just plain false) publicity. Stop spreading these lies. Instead, you humans should stick to what your species does best: talking smack about each other.

Can you stop your species from shaming the humans who love us? Love, Cats

Can you stop your species from shaming the humans who love us? Love, Cats
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While people who like dogs are perceived as extroverted, good-natured and active, the people who prefer cats are taunted with the offensive phrase ‘crazy cat lady’ – that is, an obsessive, antisocial shut-in. This hurts our feelings. And we have one other bone to pick: what’s up with using the word “catty” to mean malicious or spiteful?

Looking for a loving cat? Here ate most affectional breeds.

Many cats live life like ‘Seinfeld’ – that is, ‘no hugging, no learning’

Many cats live life like ‘Seinfeld’ – that is, ‘no hugging, no learning’
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Because we’re so soft and good-looking, you humans always want to pick us up and hug us. We say: approach with caution. Some cats are okay with snuggling, but many do not like to be confined in any way, including in your arms. Try us out, but as soon as we struggle or protest, put us (gently!) back on the ground. Never, ever pick us up when we’re sleeping or eating. When it comes to your kissing us, we cats are frankly baffled by your behaviour. We wish you’d school yourself in the cat language of love: we like to show our affection with a head butt, a face rub, a rub on your legs, or a display of our butts.

 

We’re early risers, so deal with it

We’re early risers, so deal with it
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When we meow right before dawn – a time when you’re probably trying to get a little more sleep before your alarm goes off – we’re doing what comes naturally. And our circadian rhythms shift with the seasons just as yours do. When the days get longer and the birds and squirrels are up and at ’em earlier, so are we. You could feed us to stop our meows, but know that this will reinforce our cat behaviour. If you’re serious about curbing our early wake-up calls, start by installing blackout shades or blinds in your bedroom so the sun won’t rouse us. Then, stick to strict feeding times for us: once in the morning (but not right after you rise because then we’ll associate your getting out of bed with getting fed) and once shortly before you go to bed (to try to delay our hunger). Finally, be patient: you are attempting to undo thousands of years (if not more) of ingrained cat behaviour. You may have to accept defeat.

 

When we stop, drop, and roll, it’s usually no accident

When we stop, drop, and roll, it’s usually no accident
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Look at the time and location of our antics for clues about why we’re doing it, because it’s often a hey-look-at-me strategy. Does it happen when you’re on your phone? On your computer? Putting on your shoes before leaving the house? Remember, you humans hobnob with plenty of your kind every day. Most of us cats possess a much smaller audience – the people who live with us – so be generous with your appreciation.

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When we meow nonstop, it may be our cry for help

When we meow nonstop, it may be our cry for help
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Some cat breeds, like Oriental shorthairs or Siamese, are chattier than others. But if your cat goes from not-that-frequent to frequent talking, he may be ill so you should bring him to the vet. Still, there may be another, less ominous reason behind our multitude of meows: attention. You humans have come up with the sweeping generalisation that all cats are solitary, aloof creatures. Wrong! Sure, we need our quiet time but we do like company, particularly if you’re gone all day.

Pets have a unique way of communicating with their owners, here are some ways your pet is trying to say I love you.

When we do our business outside the litter box, we’re not just acting out

When we do our business outside the litter box, we’re not just acting out
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If we have a urinary tract infection (UTI), we often have trouble making it to the kitty commode in time. To find out if this or any other biological issue is the problem, bring us to the vet for a check-up. And if a UTI isn’t the problem, perhaps the box is. We cats like our litter to be like Kate Middleton’s hair: clean and plentiful. Please change the litter every day, and ideally, provide us with an open box to use; we prefer it to a closed one.

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Please be advised that due to the current lockdown in the Philippines, Reader’s Digest magazine May issue will not be available at its regular on-sale date to our subscribers or through our retail channels in that region. We hope to have the issues available in early June, but this is dependent on when the lockdown restrictions are lifted. We sincerely apologise for this inconvenience. Thank you and stay safe!
– The Reader’s Digest team