14 polite habits bartenders actually dislike – and what to do instead

Bartending in movies tends to alternate between skimpily clad bartenders dancing on a bar to the one guy in the background polishing a solitary glass while listening to everyone’s problems. The truth, though, is that most bartenders are highly trained and efficient professionals who are there to provide a service – and neither of those things is in the job description. Hopefully you know that … but do you know the etiquette rules of being a truly polite patron?

Even if you’re steering clear of the obvious faux pas, there are some specific “polite habits” in bars that aren’t quite as polite as you might think. And while bartenders might grin and bear it when you make these etiquette mistakes, it doesn’t mean they like it! Plus, these missteps can really get in the way of them doing their jobs. So, whether you’re at your favourite dive bar, a trendy hotel bar or a cruise ship bar, here’s what you should avoid – and what you should do instead.

This was the No 1 ‘polite’ habit every single one of the bartenders we spoke with mentioned they wish people would stop doing. “I get that you’re offering because you want to be nice and have me join in the party, but you’re on your own time and I’m working,” says bartender, Lea Miner. “If I did a shot with every customer who asked, I’d be drunk in the first hour [of my shift].” She adds that most bars have a rule about bartenders not drinking on the job, but in her experience, “it’s 50/50 whether or not it actually gets enforced.”

Do this instead: use the money you would have spent on the shot and add it to their tip. Or, says Miner, if you want to buy them a drink, tell them to add one to your tab and then the bartender can choose to drink it after their shift is over.

A beer on tap doesn’t require any effort beyond filling the glass, but creating a cocktail is a work of art – and that includes any final touches like a garnish. “I take a lot of pride in creating custom cocktails that don’t just taste great but also look beautiful,” says Miner, “and I want the guest to have the full experience.” However, many customers think the cocktail is finished after the liquid has been added, and while you may think you’re being helpful by taking it at that point, especially if the bar is busy, it takes away from that experience. It’s also rude, since you’re literally grabbing something that’s still in the bartender’s possession.

Do this instead: wait for the bartender to slide the drink to you, and let them present it in an attractive way, complete with napkin and garnishes.

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Drop your drink? It’s OK – accidents happen. But think twice before getting down on the floor to clean it up. “Drunk people should never be in charge of picking up broken glass,” says bartender, Antonio Hernandez. You could cut yourself or injure someone else, and not only is that painful – it’s also a liability for the club.

Do this instead: “Just alert us to the problem, and let the staff clean it up,” Hernandez says. “We’re equipped to do it properly, and we can do it quickly and efficiently.”

It’s not uncommon for one person to start a tab for a whole group, and it’s a polite way to keep things simple for the bartender. But when you go to pay, things can get tricky. While it’s perfectly polite to ask them to split the tab equally between two or three credit cards, don’t ask your bartender to itemise the check by drink. (For instance, asking them to charge Bob’s credit card for three beers, Jill’s card for two mojitos, Jane’s card for a glass of wine and a margarita, and so on.) “This is too complicated for us to sort out, especially during a rush,” says bartender, Mary Joe.

Do this instead: ideally, have one person close out the tab, and then the other people can pay that person. Or, if you know you are going to need the tab split individually, have each person start their own tab, Joe suggests.

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Cleaning up the mess in front of you is a kind gesture, and one that the waitstaff and bartenders definitely appreciate. But while stuffing all the rubbish into a glass may look contained and tidy, it actually creates more work. “Now I have to stick my fingers inside the used glasses and fish out soggy napkins,” Joe says.

Do this instead: if you see a rubbish bin, put your rubbish directly in it. Otherwise, gather the rubbish in a pile on the table instead of stuffing it in your used glasses.

Bartenders are often seen as kind and sympathetic, and you may feel like it’s an honour to trust them with your problems. Plus, they could use the company, so it’s a win-win, isn’t it? Not exactly. For starters, they’re not therapists. And second, they’re working! “Sometimes customers will sit and chat with me for my whole shift, insisting on keeping me company, telling me they don’t want me to get bored or even saying they’re protecting me from other people who might have bad intentions,” say Miner. “But while I appreciate the thought, they’re rarely helpful, and they can make me miss out on tips.”

Do this instead: “When it’s slow, I don’t mind listening, but the truth is that we’re there to do our job, and we usually have lots of people to serve,” says Joe. “So be friendly and smile, but don’t keep chatting if we’re busy.” If you need some company, there are always the other patrons.

Did that cute bartender give you a special smile or touch your hand when giving your card back? Does that mean he or she likes you? Probably not. “We’re not into you, we’re not flirting with you and we do not want to go home with you,” says Miner. “Being kind and nice is part of our job. That’s it.”

Also, don’t ask what time they get off or where they live. That can come across as creepy and even threatening.

Do this instead: never assume your bartender is flirting with you. However, if you want to roll the dice on your own meet-cute story, it’s OK to give them your number on a napkin and leave the ball in their court, Miner says.

Your empty glasses are piling up, and you can see the bussing station right behind the bar. Or perhaps you just need to grab an extra straw, and you know where they’re kept behind the counter. Maybe you’d just like an extra lemon, and it’s right there. Instead of wasting the busy bartender’s time, it’s fine to just quickly dart or reach behind the bar and grab what you need, right? “Wrong. Always wrong,” says Hernandez. “It’s already crowded back here, and we have things organised just so. Plus, if you put your dirty fingers into my fruit bin, I have to throw the whole thing out!”

Do this instead: if you need your table cleared, signal a waiter help. If you need something from the bar, wait your turn and ask for it.

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A round of drinks for your friends! Cheers! Buying drinks for others is kind and fun, and the bartender will be more than happy to make it happen – as long as you know what everyone wants. “I love when someone volunteers, ‘I’m buying a round!’” says Joe. “But I cringe when they then turn around and say, ‘So, uh, what do you guys want?’ and I’m waiting 20 minutes for everyone to figure it out.”

Do this instead: talk to your group and figure out everyone’s orders before approaching the bar. At the bar, be prepared to order everyone’s drinks at once.