How to find the perfect thing to say in every situation

Some people ramble when they’re unsure what to say, but that confuses your point and gives you more opportunity to put your foot in your mouth, says Sokolosky. A short but heartfelt note is better than two pages of stream-of-consciousness writing.

Reflective listening – repeating back what you heard the other person say – is every therapist’s secret weapon, and it works for regular folks too. “If you don’t know what to say, offer a compassionate reflection of what you hear the other person saying,” Walfish says. “This allows them to feel heard, validated and accepted, regardless of the situation.”

Couple reflective listening with a question or request for more information, and you have a foolproof response. For example, “It sounds like you’re really devastated about this. What are you feeling right now?” or “I can tell how excited you are! Tell me everything – I want all the details!”

Other great go-tos are the simplest:

I’m thinking about you.

I’m here for you.

I love you.

You’re amazing.

Birthdays are an important day to most people, and sending happy birthday wishes to a friend, relative, loved one or co-worker on their special day can really mean a lot. “In fact, remembering a birthday is a hallmark of true friendship,” Walfish says. And with modern technology like Google Calendar and Facebook reminders, there’s no reason to forget! PS: be sensitive when mentioning age. Some people are loud and proud about their number, while others prefer to keep it discreet.

Examples of birthday wishes:

As we celebrate your latest trip around the sun, I can’t help but think of the light you shine on my life. I hope this is your best birthday yet.

Don’t worry, I already know my present is your favourite. You should open the rest anyway – you know, to be polite. Have a fabulous birthday!

A great day to celebrate a great friend! Happy birthday, and cheers to many more.

Happy birthday to my favourite person in the whole world. May your day be filled with 10 times the joy you’ve provided others.

I may not be rich, but I definitely hit the jackpot with you. I’m so grateful for you and all we’ve experienced together. Have a wonderful birthday.

And that’s just the beginning of the options you can choose from when trying to figure out what to say in a birthday card or text.

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Getting engaged and married are two of the biggest events in a person’s life, so what to say doesn’t get more important than this! “This means your engagement and wedding wishes should be thoughtful, personal and authentic,” says Sokolosky. This isn’t the time to share advice or criticisms of their relationship. Instead, focus on sharing their happiness.

Examples of wedding and engagement wishes:

Congratulations on finding your person! #couplegoals

Wishing you more love and romance than a Taylor Swift song.

The best things in life only get better when enjoyed with someone else. Here’s to a lifetime of best times!

Congrats on finally finding someone to write in as your emergency contact on forms!

May your happy never have an ending!

Here’s the fascinating history behind 15 wedding traditions.

Whether it’s the first or the 50th, every anniversary is a significant milestone in a couple’s relationship. “Taking the time to acknowledge this milestone shows that you’re really paying attention to your loved one and that you care about what’s important to them,” says Walfish. Happy anniversary messages are a great opportunity to include happy memories of the couple. And if it’s your big day? Share all the love in your heart with your partner.

Examples of anniversary wishes, to your partner or another couple:

I can’t believe I’m still finding more reasons to love you. You amaze me in new ways every day, and I can’t wait to see what the future holds.

You stole my heart, and I never want it back.

Thank you for all the wonderful memories. I can’t wait to make even more in our next year together!

There’s no one I’d rather sit on the couch and watch Netflix with. Even when you talk during the show.

May the happiness of this day linger forever.

It’s so awesome that you’ve been together for however long you’ve been together.

Nobody does life better than you two. I’ve been honoured to watch you live it, and I hope we get many more years together.

Whether it’s a new baby, a promotion, a new home, a retirement or some other wonderful event, you’ll want to share the moment with the perfectly crafted message. “It’s worth the effort,” says Walfish. “Sharing the excitement and joy of a Big Moment with someone else is one of the best parts of life. It’s the kind of joy that’s infectious, and you’ll feel happier too.”

Examples of congratulations wishes:

Not many occasions call for a dancing unicorn to serve champagne, but this one does. Great job!

I love an excuse to celebrate with cake. Thank you – er, I mean, congratulations!

This might be one of the best days of your life so far, but there are so many more to come. Well done!

You climbed a mountain of “nos” to get to the highest “yes.”

You’re a shining example of how to achieve anything through dedication and perseverance. Congratulations, superstar!

“Sometimes the most meaningful messages are the ones sent for no particular occasion but rather to say you’re just thinking about that person,” says Walfish. “Everyone loves to be remembered!”

Examples of ‘thinking of you’ messages:

Thinking of you and all the ways you make my life brighter, happier and funner. (That’s not a word, but it should be!)

I know you’re busy, so I’ll keep this short: thinking about you!

Remember that time we did that thing and couldn’t stop laughing? Best day ever.

In case I haven’t told you lately: you’re the best, and I love you.

You are the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep.

Sending you positive vibes, healing and protection today.

Death is an inevitable part of life, but many of us are still uncomfortable talking about it, leaving those left behind feeling even more heartbroken and isolated. Sending condolence messages will help them know they’re not alone. “You don’t have to fix it for them or ‘make it better,’” says Sokolosky. “Be sad with them, mourn with them and offer support, hugs and a listening ear.”

Examples of condolence messages:

I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine your pain and grief at this time.

The world is a little darker today from the loss of his/her light.

I’m heartbroken for your loss and hoping you find peace during this trying time.

No one can prepare for this type of loss. Sending you strength at this time.

I can’t find the right words to say to you, and I’m afraid to say the wrong thing, so I’ll just tell you how much I love you and that I’m here to support you.

Living with loss? Here are some strategies for coping with the death of a loved one.

Get-well wishes can offer a bright spot for a loved one during a trying time – whether that’s after a surgery, a health scare or due to a chronic condition. “Feeling others’ support and care for you when you’re ill can help you feel better mentally and physically,” says Walfish. This is also a good time to use a little humour to lift their spirits. Laughter really can be the best medicine!

Examples of get-well wishes:

Get well soon, or I’ll be forced to come over and watch movies with you all day.

Laughter is the best medicine, so I’ve got 700 hilarious memes locked and loaded to send you.

Hugs, drugs or the Netflix password. Just say the word and I’m there!

If you wanted flowers, you could have just said so – you didn’t have to get sick!

I was heartbroken to hear about your diagnosis, and I am sending you all my love during treatment.

Know this: you are not alone. You’ve got all of us here to love and help you.

Get well soon, or we’re all buying stock in Kleenex

Having a rough day? Sometimes just a few words of encouragement are all you need to make it through, says Sokolosky. And the best part about these positive sayings is that they’re great for happy times too, when you want to give your person a little extra happiness boost!

Examples of words of encouragement:

Look at it this way: you’ve already survived 100 per cent of your worst days! You’ll get through this one too.

An optimist is someone who decides that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not failure – it’s salsa dancing! Who doesn’t love salsa dancing?

I’m proud of you for trying. Keep pushing forward.

If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And then come to my house, because I have vodka. Oh, look – it’s a party!

You know how they always say: “You only get today once?” To that, I say: “Thank heavens!” (Tomorrow will be better, friend!)