40 things I wish I could tell my younger self

“Growing up, I would fixate over making things perfect. I come from a very academic and medial family which meant everyone had degrees to back up their expertise and opinions. Because I didn’t feel as qualified as they were, I would hold myself back and decline opportunities. I finally learned that there are different kinds of smart and that having the drive and will to get things done is just as important. Half the battle is just raising your hand and sticking your neck out there with something – anything. It doesn’t need to be perfect, just make it happen.” – Tanya Sam, Director of Partnerships at TechSquare Labs.

“If I could advise my younger self, I would tell her to be very wary of the lure of alcohol and to educate herself about the realities of addiction. I’ve learned that some people are more genetically prone to alcohol use disorder and after researching my genetics and family history, I discovered I’m one of those people. I struggled with alcoholism for ten years before getting sober in 2009. I also wish I could tell her to refrain from drinking before her brain is fully developed as drinking prior to that can also lead to developing alcohol use disorder. This can be hard, especially for younger people, so I would encourage her to seek out relationships with people who live healthy lives and who love and respect their bodies.” – Claudia Christian, TV actress and founder of C Three Foundation, a non-profit organisation dedicated to raising awareness for treating alcohol use disorder

“I wish I could tell my younger self that a happy life isn’t about becoming a noun – ’actor,’ ‘vice president,’ ‘CEO’ – it’s about living life with as many verbs as possible. What I mean by that is that I find so much more meaning from things like helping, learning, and serving, than I ever did from being an ‘actress’ or ‘entrepreneur.’ Being able to see myself as more than my title helped me transition from a career I loved on television to a new and exciting career as a leadership development expert because my identity was based on things I did, not what I called myself.” – Carol Lempert, actress, speaker, author, and leadership consultant

“I started my career 25 years ago as a high school maths and science teacher. I loved my job but I wanted to be able to help more students, beyond those in my classroom. I took a risk and decided to go into educational administration. The current thought of holding teachers and administrations accountable for everything can make some people afraid to take risks, choosing instead to stick with the status quo. And I definitely made mistakes! But with each risk I took, I learned from it, adapted, and grew. I knew I had the potential to transform classrooms and bring more opportunities for our young people so the risk was worth it. It’s not about doing crazy things; take calculated risks by setting clear, visible goals and holding high expectations for yourself and others.” – Dr Kristyn Klei Borrero, CEO of CT3 and author of Every Student, Every Day: A No-Nonsense Nurturer® Approach to Reaching All Learners

“While I’m confident and secure with myself now, I definitely wasn’t that way when I first started out as a news anchor and show host. I would second guess myself all the time! When I first started doing live shots as a reporter, I would get so nervous that it would make me mess up more. I even forgot what I was saying while live on air a couple of times. I was so worried about letting people down or making a fool of myself. I really found my groove after working in the news industry for about four years. At that point, I felt comfortable on the anchor desk and didn’t fear interviewing high-profile politicians anymore. I realised that I got to that point by believing in myself. It may sound a bit cliche but there’s real power in telling yourself ‘Hey, you got this!’ It’s easy to worry about what others are thinking of you and get wound up in that. Focus on what you can do, remember what you’ve learned, and trust your instincts. Because, hey, you got this!” – Liz Jeneault, Emmy-nominated former TV news anchor and show host

“I spent a lot of time when I was younger being frustrated that things didn’t always work out the way I wanted them to. As I got older, I began to realise that I couldn’t always see the bigger picture and learned that just because I wanted something didn’t mean it would be good for me (or others). I would tell my younger self to slow down, take a deep breath, and look at every situation through the eyes of everyone involved. Sometimes, we can become so frustrated and closed off to the world that we miss the blessings. And sometimes we don’t understand why something we had wanted right then wasn’t in our best interest until years have passed and we can look back on the situation with fresh eyes.” – Allison Bruning, author, screenwriter, and publisher

“When I was younger, I had a lot of anxiety and I took that as a sign that what I was doing wasn’t the right thing. Since then I’ve learned that I can’t let my fear or worry stop me from doing things. I’m always going to be anxious, that’s just part of who I am. Instead of trying to structure my life so I’m never worried, I’ve learned to adapt. I wish I could tell younger me, ‘Hey, your anxiety isn’t going to go away when you do the right things. Instead, you’re going to get better at living with it. Don’t think you’re a failure when you still feel anxious, because the sense of failure will only make the anxiety worse. You’re doing great!’” – Adam Cole, jazz musician, and author

“I used to be a yes (wo)man. I said yes to relationships that took more than they gave. I said yes to business partners who cheated me. I was so into saying yes to people, that I even helped people who didn’t ask for my help! I thought my assistance would make a difference to all these people but eventually, I realized they didn’t really want my advice, they wanted to use me as a crutch. I’ve learned that it’s OK to trust my gut, put myself first, and say ‘no’ sometimes!” – Dr Froswa’ Booker-Drew, author of Rules of Engagement: Making Connections Last and featured in the documentary Friendly Captivity.

“When I was doing my Master’s degree, I first picked communications because I absolutely loved it. But then people started to tell me it wasn’t a good way to make a living and very few people actually succeed in that field. I came from a family where people had ‘real’ jobs and so I decided I needed to pick something more realistic. I changed my major to psychology, eventually getting both a master’s and PhD in it. But when I started my career I was drawn back to what I loved: communications. Now I spend my days doing research, teaching, and attending conferences where I meet really smart people. And I’m quite successful and happy! Had I dared to follow my dream in the first place, I could have skipped some hardships along the way.” – Dr Talya Miron-Shatz, CEO of Buddy&Soul

“When I was younger I would prefer to study or work on projects by myself. It was just easier not having to deal with others! But I’ve learned that in the real world, being able to work with and collaborate with others isn’t just nice, it’s an essential life skill. I would advise my younger self to pay more attention to reaching out and making friends, learning how to establish and maintain good relationships.” – Dr Carole Lieberman, psychiatrist, Emmy-nominated TV personality, radio and podcast host, author and speaker