Sharing their good news for them
You would never share your friend’s secrets, but be careful sharing any news that isn’t yours, says Hafeez. Even sharing positive things about your friend, like a job promotion, a pregnancy or an engagement, without their permission can be annoying because it steals their ability to share it themselves. Revealing good news to others is fun, and you don’t want to take that away from your friend.
Do this instead: Avoid everyday friendship problems by thinking before you speak. “Be mindful of discussing anything personal or that could be seen as invading their privacy,” she says. If you’re not sure whether it’s OK for you to spread the news, simply ask first. And if you’ve accidentally jumped the gun, do your friend the courtesy of apologising for the mistake.
Complaining about everything
One of the beautiful things about close, lifelong friendships is your ability to share your deepest thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment. But some people take this to the extreme, venting constantly to their friends about everything from their boss to the barista to the weather, says Patrick. Sharing hard things is fine and can be a bonding experience, but being constantly negative is annoying and draining, and one of the fastest ways to kill a friendship, she says.
Do this instead: People like to be around happy people. This doesn’t mean you have to be Little Miss Sunshine all the time, but make sure you have a balance of positive and negative things you discuss. “Be aware of what you’re talking about and keep complaints in check,” she says. “Make sure you’re asking how they are and not just talking about your own feelings.”
Being chronically late
For some people, being 15 minutes late to every event is so common that their friends think of tardiness as one of their personality habits and will even joke about it. But it’s not funny. While you may see being a little late as an endearing quirk, it’s really annoying and a red flag that you don’t value your friends’ time, says Patrick.
Do this instead: “Being late isn’t cute, but it’s not a character flaw either – it’s a problem with time management, and it can be fixed with proper planning,” she says. “Taking steps to be appropriately on time shows your friends that you care about them.” This may mean putting events in your schedule a half hour early, setting reminder alarms or picking out clothes the day before.
