14 secrets to make friendships last forever, according to lifelong friends

The deepest, most committed friendships span time, continents, and life experiences. The keys to maintaining those strong friendships often take a lifetime to learn, so we asked some of the longest lasting duos (and trios!) how they’ve managed to make their bonds unbreakable.

Heather Hopkins credits her decades-long best friendship to her commitment to honesty. “Never be scared to tell your best friends how you are really feeling about any situation. A true friend will always appreciate and be grateful for honesty, even in the stickiest of situations. If your real friends can’t be honest and truthful, do you think the transients and acquaintances in your life will be?” Read how aligning the way you manage your friendships with your core values makes emotional sense.

“Assume that everything they do is with good intentions, even when that assumption seems unreal” explains Yael Lustmann, a mother in her 40s who has managed to make her best friendship last for around 30 years. She adds that laughing off the bad stuff is a big helper, too, and admits that she picked a sort of “wild and crazy guy” to be best friends with. Learn how the power of positivity had a huge impact on one woman’s life.

“It helps that we both evolved and became educated over the 21 years of being friends since university,” shares Max Zaslavsky, a dentist. “On paper, my best friend has nothing in common with me, but we accept our personality differences as things that balance us out. He is the only person allowed to call my mum ‘Ma’ besides me. When my parents almost died in a car accident in 1998, he and his now ex-wife rushed to be with me and help take care of my folks who were both in different hospitals. When I graduated in dentistry in 2004, he got my 83-year-old father, who was battling cancer, in and out of a wheelchair so he could see me accept my degree.” Friendships come in many forms. Read how Beverley and George became friends through their shared love of painting.

When Liesa Goins’ childhood friend passed away early in her 20s, she knew she had to commit to positivity with the rest of her tight-knit friendship circle to make it work, even through tragedy. “I had a group of five super close friends in high school. One died of leukemia in our first year of university. Every year since then we have awarded a scholarship in her name. It’s a way for us to memorialise her and connect at least once a year. And we’re definitely the type of friends who pick up where we left off every time we connect.”

Nicki Bandklayder’s 20+ year friendships are going strong because she’s always eager to get on the phone. “Pick up the phone just because! You don’t need a reason to call. This is what keeps some of my 20+ year friendships alive and strong. When you start needing a reason to call, you lose that everyday sort of connection. This goes for several of my bridesmaids who are in different parts of the country.” Find yourself lost for words or out of ideas to talk about? Here are six magic phrases that help bring a conversation to life, regardless of how well you know the person.

“The trick is to not pretend and just be you,” tells Dr Chetna Singh, of her 26-year friendships with her medical school friends. “Share your joys and your sorrows. Laugh together and be there for each other. Nobody’s life is Facebook-perfect.”

“My best friend Helen and I are going on 32 years, and we never call out the other person on being an absentee friend,” shares Angela Randall. “Life happens and when you are in different places and going through different things just pick up where you both are.”

“It’s said that technology is ruining relationships, but there are few things as nice as being connected with your best friends since primary school by an ongoing group text,” says Lauren Schwartz Gamsey. “We are seven busy working mums living in three states, and we can still share everyday thoughts, big news, and silly stories as if we had never moved away from each other.” Love your long-distance friends but wishing you had a friend that lived closer? Sure, Facebook is a great way to stay on top of what your friends are doing, but boundaries may need to be established. Here’s how to avoid being a turn off on Facebook.

“My four best friends from childhood and I are all married with kids. Restaurant gatherings once we had kids were always a disaster,” tells Stacey Feintuch. “So we decided to switch things up. Now we each host a meal at our home throughout the year. It may be just a brunch or a pizza dinner. The host helps organise the long email chain to choose a date, does the brunt of the work and food prep. But we all bring something to help ease the burden. It ensures that we get together at least four times a year.”