How to care for ageing parents: Strategies for the sandwich generation

Mum hurt her foot. That’s the only detail you can lure out of her over the phone, which right now makes the distance between the two of you feel that much farther. She’s limping and doesn’t want to go to a doctor. Instead, she wants you to look at it, ignoring the fact that you have a full-time job, two kids and, oh yeah, you live three hours away. Sound familiar? Managing the seniors in your life, whether it’s helping them through their health problems or clearing up insurance issues, is the burden of the sandwich generation.

So how can you care for ageing parents when you’re far from home and juggling the responsibility of raising your own family? Here are some strategies from professional caregivers that can help you to help them – even if you live on opposite sides of the country.

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“The older generation can be secretive, but the sandwich generation is more open and aware that communication is important,” says Karen Seebach, a nurse advisor with a caregiver support service. “You need to have a conversation in advance about what they would like to do as they age. Do they want to stay in their home? Does someone have power of attorney? These conversations are very important to start early on.”

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Dad says he’s fine on the phone, but you suspect he’s not taking his medications. The litmus test? Look for a change in the way he communicates. “If a parent is usually chatty and has become quieter, that’s something you need to pay attention to,” says Luanne Whitmarsh, chief executive officer at an organisation assisting seniors. Inconsistent communication from your ageing parent is a red flag that warrants deeper investigation.

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You might be tempted to take the day off work to check out that sore foot your mum was complaining about – and you’re not alone. Many caregivers who live more than a half day’s travel away from their ill parent are missing full days of work to help provide care. Instead, get to know the people who interact with your ageing parents day to day. “Become familiar with the neighbours or a house cleaner or something like that,” suggests Whitmarsh. “This way, they can give you the real information you may not be getting.”

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“The more isolated a senior becomes, the more risk there is,” says Joanne Toller, senior fund developer with a seniors resource group. She suggests doing homework on behalf of your ageing parents to find outreach services in their area or organisations that can provide referrals to services that can help seniors with day-to-day tasks. These might include driving services, foot care clinics (look for brochures at doctor’s offices and walk-in clinics) and meal delivery services. More support can be found by making inquiries with the local municipal government, service clubs and churches.

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Mum’s sounding much more confused lately and you’re worried about dementia. You could call your mum’s physician to discuss the issue, or, as Whitmarsh suggests, you could express your concerns to your own doctor, with whom you already have a relationship. Explain what you’ve observed and share the contact information for your mother’s doctor. “Doctor to doctor, they have a way better way of communicating and have a given level of trust,” Whitmarsh says.

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Source: RD Canada