Set a reasonable time-out
If you can’t calm down in 20 minutes, then you can extend it for up to two hours, advises Louis. But don’t let that break stretch out an entire day, she says. “At that point, resentment and bitterness can start to come in where they’ve made up an entire story from their own perspective and not really got a chance to hear things from their partner’s perspective.”
Here’s another important point, says Louis: If you initiated the break, you set the time to reconvene. That way, your better half won’t follow you around the house asking you when it’s time to talk. Now that you’ve got these steps down, here are other ways to have more productive arguments.
Start dating again
Louis recommends you spend quality one-on-one time at least once a week, preferably for two hours. No, you don’t have to go out to dinner or do anything fancy. Light candles and put on some tunes, play a board game or cards, or give each other a massage.
The key: Spend a couple of hours of uninterrupted time, she says. “Nobody’s on their phone, nobody’s on their computer, but you’re just knee to knee, eye to eye, really engaging each other.”
It’s a good way to avoid monotony – spending evenings in front of the TV, tending to the kids, or doing chores. “Especially couples who’ve been together for a while – they can get stuck into a routine,” says Louis. “So I teach them how to be intentional about bringing creativity into their marriage.”
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Source: RD.com
