It’s time for those in stable relationships to feel a little smug. Twitter account @FirstDateHell recounts the horrors of the dating scene through a series of gruesome anecdotes:

One guy took me to McDonalds, got a Happy Meal, then played with the soldier toy for 10mins, pretending to shoot people. – Lady Violetta (@VioletNights)

He took me to see a film with his ex in it, cried all the way through and kept asking me if I didn’t agree she was beautiful. – Sura Dohnke (@Suradohnke)

Spent the evening telling me why I should move closer to him, before speculating on what would happen if we were married. – Stace (@stackee)

Spent 30mins outside a pub next to my “date” who ignored me, then texted, “if that’s u next to me I’ll b really embarrassed”. – Deborah Aharoni (@DeborahAharoni)

He said: “From your photo I thought you were too good for me. I’m glad to see that you’ve got flaws.” Then he listed them. – Lucy Lappin (@Knitlucy)

“How are you?” “A little tired.” “Hard day at work?” “No, I had a baby three weeks ago.” – John Davis (@JaySivad)

Source: Twitter
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