40 funny marriage quotes that might actually be true

“A man’s main job is to protect his woman from her desire to ‘get bangs’ every other month.”— Dax Shepard

“I’d like to publicly thank my husband [Dax Shepard] for changing half the diapers in our house. I hope he changes all of mine one day…”— Kristen Bell

“Just found out the wife is writing a book about our honeymoon, called ’50 Shades of Just O.K.’”— Conan O’Brien

“When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.”― Helen Rowland

Don’t miss these relationship tips from grandma you’d be a fool to ignore.

“My husband and I have never considered divorce… murder sometimes, but never divorce.”— Dr Joyce Brothers

“Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what’s more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?”— Dennis Miller

“Husbands and wives are irritating. But without them, who would we blame for misplacing our socks?” — Janet Periat

“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now change your Facebook status.” — Anonymous

Here are 6 simple ways to build trust in a relationship.

“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” — Kathy Mohnke

“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.” — Lily Tomlin