The wife left me a note on the fridge saying, “It’s no good – it’s just not working. I’m staying at Mum’s for a whil ...read more
“Where do you want this huge roll of bubble wrap?” I asked my boss.
“Just pop it in the corner,” he replie ...read more
A man is drinking with his wife when out of the blue he announces, "I love you."
"Is that you or the beer talking?" she a ...read more
Exit signs – they're on the way out, aren't they?
...read moreMatt's dad picks him up from school. Knowing the parts for the school play were chosen that day, he asks his son if he got a rol ...read more
OMG. President Lincoln has been shot! Wait, whoa, my internet connection is SUH-LOW.
...read moreI hate people who say that time travel is a stupid idea. It’s exactly that kind of attitude that lost us World War Three.
...read moreAn old man at the end of a jetty is selling seagulls – $2.50 for one, or three for five bucks. A curious tourist goes up to hi ...read more
I’d just like to say to any women out there having trouble keeping their hair out of their eyes: get a grip.
...read moreI just poured some superglue into a non-stick frying pan. Someone’s about to be proved wrong.
...read moreI said to my boyfriend recently, “You know, we’ve been together for four years – I think it’s about time we started talk ...read more
Two hunters hired a pilot to fly them deep into the wilderness to look for deer. After bagging six large bucks, they were loadin ...read more
I enrolled in an online school to become a private investigator. I gave them my money, and then I never heard back from them. I ...read more
I love being married. When I was single, I got so sick of finishing my own sentences.
...read more
