A dog thinks: “The humans offer me food, love and shelter. They must be my gods.”
A cat thinks: “The humans of ...read more
If a caveman from the Paleolithic era saw you turn down a cupcake because you’re on the “Paleo Diet”, he'd kill you with a ...read more
I did a stand-up gig to a flock of pigeons the other day. It went well – they were eating out of the palm of my hand.
...read moreSean Connery would often complain that he hadn’t found his niche. Turns out he was looking for his brother’s daughter.
...read moreWhen I told my wife there was a huge spider in the bath, she screamed and said, “Put it outside!”
Now I’ve go ...read more
A dog goes to the post office to send a telegram. The post office clerk says, “Well, OK. It’s five words on a line, $5 per l ...read more
A woman was shopping for something to wear to her 50th high school reunion when a group of teenage girls came into the same shop ...read more
A vacuum cleaner salesman knocks on the door of an old lady's house. The lady takes one look at him and says, "You are wasting y ...read more
I often wonder about people who live in tropical destinations. What do their screen savers look like?
...read moreIf you are always straightening things, you have OCD. If you are always eating things, you have OBCD.
...read moreTwo men are out for a walk in a forest when they’re confronted by a huge grizzly bear.
“Stay calm,” says Tom t ...read more
A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell y ...read more
On the morning of her birthday, a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed you gave me a diamond necklace. What do you think it ...read more
